It's crazy how things change. I look at my older posts only to shake my head at how clueless I was. I never thought I'd be where I am now. My parents are divorced now, and my mom is remarried. My sister and I no longer live in the same house, and that kills me. I wouldn't mind bring my laptop into the kitchen and putting on one of my playlists, only to have us dancing around like idiots. I remember when we'd stay up for hours playing with our Barbies and their well thought out lives. We would sit on the floor of her room, surround by three big doll houses and planning outfits. Days when my mama and I would go to Houma, spend the day in Marshall's, grab Chick-fil-A, and get back down the bayou just in time to pick up Madison. Daddy would come home late that night, smelling like work (which I could do without, though I actually don't mind), and sitting down at his computer. Nights that I felt horrible about things, I'd crawl into his lap and cry or complain. I wish i could still do that, but it doesn't feel the same. And when I do come close to it, he isn't there. I miss hearing a house creak from so many years of attention. Madison running down the halls when she was tiny, Mama in the kitchen before Christmas getting all kind of food ready, Daddy outside on the grill or working on his flowers that he hardly had time for. All of these never seemed like such a big deal, until it all slipped from me. Just like the sand in Grande Isle when mama and I would go running. I don't go a day without missing things back then. It was home. It was comfortable. It was my world. Now, I don't really have a world. I need something to show me that everything will be happy and comfortable again. I want to go to sleep at night and feel complete. But I can't do that when someone is living in my house now and my parents are in different states and my sister is an hour away. It doesn't matter about being able to pick up the phone, or take a drive to get to them. It's different now, and it won't go back to the way it was. I'm glad that things are better in that my parents aren't fighting, they're happy with other people. Maybe one day, when I can come home and that home being Great MawMaw's house, I'll be happy. I'll park in front of that house, walk down the steps to the front door, and into that house that is everything that makes me completely happy in my memories. The kitchen on the right, and the short hall leading into the rest of the house on the left and a couple rooms on the right. I can just image Great MawMaw sitting down in that room on the left, asking how I'm doing in school and if my asthma is any better. Always wanting to show me upstairs, her old room. I never got to see that old room until she passed away and we cleaned out the house. I walked upstairs, and she had the prettiest room with a tiny balcony looking over the pond in the back. If I look across my room now, I see her dresser that I fell in love with. It's in bad shape now, but I could never give that away. It's one of my most prized possessions, just like the rest of my memories. But that's all they are: memories.

Funny Things

Isn't it great when you get second chances? Like ones we had in seventh grade. Like ones that could change our lives. Like one that surprise you. I never thought I'd get this one.

The chances of things falling into place at the right time with the right person is small, so I'll consider myself lucky. It wasn't our time back then, but maybe it is now. :)

I love being the girl you talk about in your Myspace statuses =]

Some of My Favorite Verses

"Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is."
-Jeremiah 17:7

"For with God nothing shall be impossible."
- Luke 1:31

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
- John 3:16

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
-I Corinthians 13:11

"For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion."
-Romans 9:15

"We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed"
-II Corinthians 4:8

"For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. "
-Ephesians 5:30

"Children obey your parents in the Lord; for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
-Ephesians 6:1-4

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:7

"I can do all things through Christ which strengheneth me."
-Philippians 4:13

"Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving"
-Colossians 4:2

"For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness."
-Thessalonians 4:7

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."
-Hebrews 4:16

"By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to his name."
-Hebrews 13:15

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
-James 5:16

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
- I John 1:9

"Hereby percieve we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."
-I John 3:16

Where do I go from here?
How do I pick up pieces?
I don't know how to continue.

I don't hurt anymore; I just don't know what to do.

I have a new baby cousin, Andrew Edward! And I couldn't be happier! I'll get to meet him in a little over a month; I'm SO excited. I never really get to see anyone younger than 12.

However, lately, my grandmother has a couple with two kids renting a trailer, and she'll occasionally bring over the 2 year old girl and less than 2 months old boy. I also have my cousin, Seth's less-than-3 months old brother. Spencer is precious, though not technically my cousin. (Too much to get into to explain.) I would try babysitting, but I don't know anyone with kids. So there goes that idea.

And as soon as I can, I'm going to get Drew a onesie that says "The Clash Boys Don't Cry." =]

After almost 2 years in a relationship, Jeremy ended it. He's played with my emotions for far too long, and I won't let him do it again. So, I am forcing myself not to think about him, I'm getting rid of the things that make me think of him. I'll find someone who cares about me and how I feel. It's hard, but I know God wants me with someone else, and I'm just waiting for him to show up. For now, I'm going to keep my friends and family close, because they've been here for me for years and they're staying here. Boyfriends come and go, but friends and family are forever. =]